Leigh's Fan Fiction Draft/Plan

The Breakfast Club

Summary

(Comedy,Drama) A diverse group of high schoolers forced to spend detention on a Saturday in the library. Forced to make the best of their circumstances, they learn to understand each other and discover that in spite of their initial differences, they actually share many common feelings and problems.

I have chosen to do a more modernised version of the The breakfast Club. I am thinking of putting it into the twenty-first century and explore the outcomes whether similar or different. 

Examples/ Research:

The Unforgettable Summer

Summary: (Romance, Humour) What happens when the Cullen, Hale, and Mason family go to a lake house for summer vacation. What will happen? All human.

Critical Evaluation: The hyperbole used  in this fan fiction is what makes it quite humorous. It gives each main characters point of view, which gives it more depth. Through this you get to see the story from different angles, allowing you to form many different opinion, thus making the entire story a lot more interesting and thought provoking. You tend not to take the side of one character.

Final Judgment: The 44th Hunger Games

Summary: (Suspense, Tragedy) A proud look. A lying tongue. Hands that shed innocent blood while dark hearts devise wicked plots. 24 tributes are reaped for the 44th Hunger Games in order to atone for the sins of the past. Only one will be crowned victor and take leave from this hellish arena. As for the rest; judgment is upon them. Welcome to the 44th Hunger Games, and may the odds be ever in your favor...

Critical Evaluation:This Fan fiction is quite gripping as it is very descriptive. It stays true to what the Hunger Games is, but you see the development of the story as it almost brings the entire series to an end. The fact that the writer talks in depth about each district makes it slightly more intense as you become to know each of the characters and hoping that things turn out well for all of them, but that is not the case. Stays true to being a suspense, tragedy.  

Pirate

Summary: (Romance, Adventure) James Norrington hates pirates. But his confidante is the daughter of the worst pirate he's ever heard of.

Critical Evaluation: This Fan fiction is very descriptive and stays true to the characters of "Pirates of the Caribbean'. Having known the character I found that it may have needed more satire in the dialouge to add humour. This would of made this story stand out and be more entertaining. Having said that the way in which is written and the descriptions used make the story quite interesting staying true the genre of adventure.

I've Let Go 

Summary: (Drama) One Shot. Set in present day. Jack and Rose are dating and after a while Jack does something that makes Rose decide she has to "let go."

Critical Evaluation: I have never watched the titanic but have heard much about it. This fan fiction tied heavily into the romance so much so it took away the intense drama that it tried to bring across.It needed more description and dialogue to make it more in depth! 

Always Another Option

Summary: (Drama) Victoria finally found out Emily's secret but Emily has a change of heart and decides to let Victoria right her own wrong... That's never good.

Critical Evaluation:I find the show revenge extremely interesting and gripping. I love how you never know what is going to happen next. with this fan fiction I think the writer should have been a lot less full on. It gave a lot away, not giving the reader anything to look into or think about. In saying that it stayed true to the drama of revenge and was quite descriptive.

POV: 

Third Person/Omniscient 

Genre: 

Drama/Comedy

Setting: 

A High School in Howick, New Zealand, 2012

Plot: 

Peer Pressure, Broken Families, Image, and Poverty are just a few things these teenagers deal with, but add your false judgments and you are setting them up for failure. These kids judge each other on appearance and differences, but as they get to know one another realise that they are all quite similar. 'Take me for who I am, not what I am!'    

Characters:

Andrew(athlete) - Samuel (the Skux) A gym obsessed rugby player

Brian(nerd) - Sang (the Asian) An intelligent Chinese boy, who's father has been made redundant.

Bender(criminal) - Rock (the Gangster) A poverty stricken black boy who rebels against authority as his way of dealing the problems.  

Claire(princess) - Georgia (the Slut) A popular girl who comes from a broken family, but hides here problems behind her popularity

Allison(basket-case) - Amber (the Emo) A quite girl who expresses her depressed emotions. Dealing with her parents divorce.

Audience Expectations:

I don't want to give away too much. I want the reader to figure out what is going on, read between the lines and at the end get the point across, connecting it to everything, tying it all together

Draft 1

“…And these children                                                                                                                                           that you spit on                                                                                                                                                              as they try to change their worlds                                                                                                                                    are immune to your consultations.                                                                                                             They’re quite aware                                                                                                                                                        of what they’re going through…”

                                    DAVID BOWIE

Saturday, March 24th, 2012. Howick High School. Howick, Auckland, 2016.

3.06pm

“Dear Mrs Adams                                                                                                                                              

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was that we did wrong. What we did was wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an entire essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us... in the simplest terms and the most fitting definitions. You see us as the asian, the skux, the emo, the slut and the gangster. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at seven o'clock this morning. We were brainwashed.”

6.59am

A Collage of brick buildings, enclosed by a tall metal fence, stands destitute in the middle of Howick road. A clock ticks in a deserted classroom, the sound amplified by the stark silence surrounding it. A chic, white Mercedes Benz pulls up in front of the metal gates, idling as a voluptuous, blonde headed girl reluctantly steps out the car. Behind her a lanky Asian boy with glasses walks hurriedly past her, his head down with books in hand. A hooter sounds and a black, blue rimmed BMW parks behind the Mercedes. A tall, muscular boy hops out the driver’s side of the car, throwing a rugby ball in the air walking through the gates as if he didn’t have a care in the world. A door slams as a dark haired girl, fringe in face, stomps angrily past the cars and through the gate. All four stop and turn as a shabby blue vehicle comes bouncing around the corner, lil wayne blasting through the speakers of the car. A black boy with pants hanging low and cigarette in hand jumps out yelling vulgar words as he limps heavily, bumping past them.

7.06am

One by one they walk into the classroom. A plump middle aged lady stands in front, her hands on her hips, glaring at each one as they walked to their seats and sit down.                                                             “Georgia Mayor?” she called out, the blonde looks at her and smiles half-heartedly from the middle row and then proceeds to texting.                                                                                                                          “Sang Yung?”, the lanky Asian looks up from the front row, raises his hand and quickly pulls it down.      “Samuel Miako?” the muscular boy raises his hand, from the middle row. “Yo”, he replies.                                                            “Amber Rutherford?”  the dark haired girl timidly raises her hand from the back corner of the classroom, not looking up at all.                                                                                                                               “And…Roland Wright”, the teacher says, smirking. Roland stands up on the back table and bows, yelling “WHY YES, the name’s Rock”. He jumps down laughing.                                                                                “Be quite Mr Wright”, the teacher says agitatedly. Rock grins at the teacher while pulling the finger. In utter shock the teacher exclaims “Do you want another detention Mr?”                                            “Yeah buddy,” he replies smugly.                                                                                                                                      Getting irritated she replies “Well you got one!”                                                                                                         “HEK YEAH,” Rock rebels while banging the desk agitatedly. He puts his head back and lifts his legs on the chair in front of him and closes his eyes.                                                                                                                                                      The teacher and walks over to where he is sitting and swiftly kicks the chair out from under his feet. "There's no sleeping in detention," she sneers. Rock jumps up breathing heavily, his eyes stare into hers with fury, their foreheads touching lightly. Gaining control of himself he brushes past her picks up the chair and resumes to his former position.                                                                                  Relieved, the teacher walks back to the front of the room and says, "It is 7.06am,” she exclaims, “You have exactly one hour to write me an essay telling me who you punks think you are.” Sang looks up listening intently, the rest of them doing their own thing.                                                                                                                                                                     “There’s no talking allowed and no moving. In fact, don't even think about leaving this classroom.” And she walks out, slamming the door behind her.

7.16am

Breaking the silence Rock starts beat-boxing and making beats on the desk with his pen. The others ignore him, but Samuel annoyed at the situation, turns around saying, “shut it pothead, if I miss another gym session because of you I will beat you up.” Enthused by the reaction Rock looks up smiling smugly and responds, “at least I’ll save everyone from yet another lot of pictures of you in the mirror posing like a pussy.” Georgia giggles slyly. “F you,” Samuel says, getting up ready to fight. Sang afraid holds onto his book, while Amber keeping to herself, gently draws lines across her wrist with a scissors. “Sit down you two,” Georgia intervenes. Samuel sits down slowly shaking his head while looking straight at Rock. Rock laughs intently, and then walks to the door. “We’re no allowed to open the door!,” Sang mumbles warily. Ignoring him, Rock bashes the door down and rushes back to his seat proudly. Mrs Adams marches hurriedly to see what the commotion is. “Who bashed the door down”, she proclaims, looking straight at Rock. Rock smirks, “what door,” he replies. Angrily Mrs Adams shouts, “TELL ME WHO BASHED THE DOOR!” Sticking up for Rock, Samuel explains, “The wind must have blown it down.” “Yeah,” Rock replies, surprised by Samuel’s action. “You banged the door pretty hard!” He said confidently. “Who would bash a door down for no reason,” Georgia exclaimed, with nothing to say Mrs Adams storms out the room.

7.38am

Having never hung out with one another, they are forced to pass the time alone. Samuel bounces his ball against the table, leaning back on his chair. Georgia texts intensively, seeming utterly grossed at the fact that she’s stuck in a room with these people. Sang lies quietly with his head on the desk, beginning to doze off.  Amber sits with her legs crossed on her chair drawing an extraordinarily detailed picture of a dying rose. Rock pulls out a box of cigarettes and a lighter and starts smoking, while listening to loud Rap music through his big red headphones. 

11pm

Mrs Adams walks in the room to find them all fast asleep.

Draft 2

“…And these children                                                                                                                                           that you spit on                                                                                                                                                              as they try to change their worlds                                                                                                                                    are immune to your consultations.                                                                                                             They’re quite aware                                                                                                                                                        of what they’re going through…”

                                    DAVID BOWIE

Saturday, March 24th, 2012. Howick High School. Howick, Auckland, 2016.

3.06pm

“Dear Mrs Adams                                                                                                                                              

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was that we did wrong. What we did was wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an entire essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us... in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. You see us as the asian, the skux, the emo, the slut and the gangster. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at seven o'clock this morning. We were brainwashed.”

6.59am

A Collage of brick buildings, enclosed by a tall metal fence, stands destitute in the middle of Howick road. A clock ticks in a deserted classroom, the sound amplified by the stark silence surrounding it. A chic, white Mercedes Benz pulls up in front of the metal gates and a voluptuous, blonde headed girl reluctantly steps out the car. Behind her a lanky Asian boy with glasses walks hurriedly past her, his head down with books in his hands. A hooter sounds and a black, blue rimmed BMW parks behind the Mercedes. A tall, muscular boy hops out the driver’s side of the car, throwing a rugby ball in the air walking through the gates as if he didn’t have a care in the world. A door slams and a dark haired girl, her fringe covering her eyes, stomps angrily past the cars and through the gate. All four stop and turn as a shabby blue vehicle comes bouncing around the corner, lil wayne blasting through the speakers of the car. A black boy with his pants hanging low and a cigarette in his hand, jumps out yelling vulgar words as he limps heavily, bumping past them.

7.06am

They walk into the classroom. A plump middle aged lady stands in front with her hands on her hips, glaring at each one as they walked to their seats and sit down. “Georgia Mayor?” she calls out, the blonde looks at her and smiles half-heartedly and then continues texting. “Sang Yung?” the lanky Asian looks up from the front row, raises his hand and quickly pulls it down. “Samuel Miako?” the muscular boy raises his hand. “Yo”, he replies. “Amber Rutherford?”  The dark haired girl timidly raises her hand from the back corner of the classroom, not looking up at all. “And…Roland Wright”, the teacher says, smirking. Roland stands up on the back table and bows, yelling “the name’s Rock”. He jumps down laughing. “Be quite Mr Wright”, the teacher says agitatedly. Rock grins at the teacher giving her the finger. In utter shock the teacher exclaims “Do you want another detention Mr?” “Yeah buddy,” he replies smugly. Getting irritated she replies “Well you got one!” “HEK YEAH,” Rock rebels while banging the desk agitatedly. He puts his head back and lifts his legs on the chair in front of him and closes his eyes. The teacher and walks over to where he is sitting and swiftly pulls the chair out from under his feet. "There's no sleeping in detention," she sneers. Rock jumps up breathing heavily, his eyes stare into hers with fury, their foreheads touching lightly. Gaining control of himself he brushes past her picks up the chair and resumes to his former position. Relieved, the teacher walks back to the front of the room. "It is 7.06am” she exclaims “You have exactly one hour to write me an essay telling me who you punks think you are.” Sang looks up listening intently, the rest of them doing their own thing. “There’s no talking allowed and no moving. In fact, don't even think about leaving this classroom.” And she walks out, slamming the door behind her.

7.16am

Breaking the silence Rock starts beat-boxing and making beats on the desk with his pen. The others ignore him, but Samuel annoyed at the situation, turns around saying, “shut it pothead, if I miss another gym session because of you I will beat you up.” Enthused by the reaction Rock looks up smiling smugly and responds, “at least I’ll save everyone from yet another lot of pictures of you in the mirror posing like a pussy.” Georgia giggles slyly. “F you,” Samuel says, getting up ready to fight. Sang afraid holds onto his book, while Amber keeping to herself, gently draws lines across her wrist with a scissors. “Sit down you two,” Georgia intervenes. Samuel sits down slowly shaking his head while looking straight at Rock. Rock laughs intently, and then walks to the door. “We’re not allowed to open the door!,” Sang mumbles warily. Ignoring him, Rock bashes the door down and rushes back to his seat proudly. Mrs Adams marches hurriedly to see what the commotion is. “Who bashed the door down”, she proclaims, looking straight at Rock. Rock smirks, “what door,” he replies. Angrily Mrs Adams shouts, “TELL ME WHO BASHED THE DOOR!” Sticking up for Rock, Samuel explains, “The wind must have blown it down.” “Yeah,” Rock replies, surprised by Samuel’s action. “You banged the door pretty hard!” He said confidently. “Who would bash a door down for no reason,” Georgia exclaimed, with nothing to say Mrs Adams storms out the room.

7.38am

Everyone starts to get comfortable. Samuel bounces his ball against the table, leaning back on his chair. Georgia texts intensively, seeming utterly grossed at the fact that she’s stuck in a room with these people. Sang lies quietly with his head on the desk, beginning to doze off.  Amber sits with her legs folded on her chair drawing an extraordinarily detailed picture of a dying rose. Rock pulls out a box of cigarettes and a lighter and starts smoking, while listening to loud Rap music through his big red headphones. 

10.53pm

Mrs Adams walks back into the classroom to find them all fast asleep. “GET UP if you want to go to the toilet” she yells.  They all jump up quickly rushing out the door jolting past each other.

Georgia and Amber walk into the toilet together.  Georgia answers her ringing phone. “Hey Ash, you will never believe who I’m with.” Amber stands in the cubical listening quietly. “Alien Amber” she says laughing. Amber storms out the toilet, shouting, “you skanky slut, who do you think you are going around and gossiping about me when you don’t even know me.” Shocked at Amber’s reaction, Georgia replies “you walk around like you are the only one in the world with problems.” Amber moves towards her, “well at least I’m not a bitch who sleeps around and gets drunk every weekend to get attention.” Georgia pushes her screaming, “Well at least I don’t go around cutting myself for attention.” They stare at one another in dead silence. Tears start dripping down Amber’s face. “I don’t care about what other people think” she sniffs, “It’s my parents who won’t quit fighting…” Georgia interrupts her “even though they have hurt you enough to get divorced.” Amber looks startlingly at Georgia, whose cheeks also had black streams running down. Soundlessly they walk out the bathroom amazed at how alike their situations are.

Rock pushes past Sang. “Faggot”, he exclaims laughing loudly. Samuel strolling behind them chuckles and then walks to Sang “don’t listen to that douche bag”. Sang ignores him, mumbling under his breath. The boys do their business and wander back to the classroom.

12pm

“You have 15 minutes for Lunch” Mrs Adams exclaims and walks out the room pompously. Each one pulls out lunchbox except for Rock and Sang. “Where’s your lunch turd” Rock says scornfully. Sang looks down at the table, “I don’t have any” he replies. “Why not?” Rock smirks, “Dads sushi shops close down?” The others giggle. “No” Sang answers remorsefully, “His company did.” Realising what he said Rock turns away starts and beat boxing again. The others reduce to the awkward silence around them.

Draft 3

KNOW ME OR JUDGE ME?

“…And these children

that you spit on

as they try to change their worlds

are immune to your consultations.

They’re quite aware

of what they’re going through."

                       

                                DAVID BOWIE

Saturday, March 24th, 2012. Howick High School. Howick, Auckland, 2016.

3.00pm

"Dear Mrs Adams

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was that we did wrong. What we did was wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an entire essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us...in the simplest of terms and the most convenient definitions. You see us as the Asian, the Skux, the Emo, the Slut and the Gangster. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at seven o'clock this morning. We judged."

                                                

6.59am

A Collage of brick buildings, enclosed by a tall metal fence, stands destitute in the middle of Howick road. A clock ticks in a deserted classroom, the sound amplified by the stark silence surrounding it.

 A chic, white Mercedes Benz pulls up in front of the metal gates and a voluptuous, blonde headed girl reluctantly steps out the car.

Behind her a lanky Asian boy with glasses walks hurriedly past her, his head down with books in his hands.

A hooter sounds and a black, blue rimmed BMW parks behind the Mercedes. A tall, muscular boy hops out the driver’s side of the car, throwing a rugby ball in the air, walking through the gates as if he didn’t have a care in the world.

A door slams and a dark haired girl, her fringe covering her eyes, stomps angrily past the cars and through the gate.

All four stop and turn as a shabby blue vehicle comes bouncing around the corner, lil wayne blasting through the speakers of the car. A black boy with his pants hanging low and a cigarette in his hand, jumps out yelling vulgar words as he limps heavily, bumping past them.

7.06am

They walk into the classroom. A plump middle aged lady stands in front with her hands on her hips, glaring at each one as they walked to their seats and sit down.

“Georgia Mayor?” she calls out, the blonde looks at her and smiles half-heartedly and then continues texting.

“Sang Yung?” the lanky Asian looks up from the front row, raises his hand and quickly pulls it down.

“Samuel Miako?” the muscular boy raises his hand. “Yo”, he replies.

“Amber Rutherford?”  The dark haired girl timidly raises her hand from the back corner of the classroom, not looking up at all.

“And why am I not surprised…Roland Wright”, the teacher says, smirking.

 Roland stands up on the back table and bows, yelling “the name’s Rock”. He jumps down laughing.

“Be quite Mr Wright”, the teacher says agitatedly. '

Rock grins at the teacher giving her the finger.In utter shock the teacher exclaims “Do you want another detention Mr?”

“Yeah buddy,” he replies smugly.

 Getting irritated she replies “Well you got one!”

“HEK YEAH,” Rock rebels while banging the desk agitatedly.

He puts his head back and lifts his legs on the chair in front of him and closes his eyes. The teacher walks over to where he is sitting and swiftly pulls the chair out from under his feet.

 "There's no sleeping in detention," she sneers.

Rock jumps up breathing heavily, his eyes stare into hers with fury, their foreheads touching lightly. Gaining control of himself he brushes past her picks up the chair and resumes to his former position.

Relieved, the teacher walks back to the front of the room.

"It is 7.06am” she exclaims “You have eight hours to write me an essay telling me who you punks think you are.”

Sang looks up listening intently, the rest of them doing their own thing.

“There’s no talking allowed and no moving. In fact, don't even think about leaving this classroom.” And she walks out, slamming the door behind her.

7.16am

Breaking the silence Rock starts beat-boxing and making beats on the desk with his pen. The others ignore him, but Samuel annoyed at the situation, turns around saying, “shut it pothead, if I miss another gym session because of you I will beat you up.”

Enthused by the reaction Rock looks up smiles smugly and responds, “at least I’ll save everyone from yet another lot of pictures of you in the mirror posing like a pussy.”

Georgia giggles slyly.

“F you,” Samuel says, getting up ready to fight. Sang afraid holds onto his book, while Amber keeping to herself, gently draws lines across her wrist with a scissors.

“Sit down you two,” Georgia intervenes. Samuel sits down slowly shaking his head while looking straight at Rock. Rock laughs intently, and then walks to the door.

“We’re not allowed to open the door!,” Sang mumbles warily. Ignoring him, Rock bashes the door down and rushes back to his seat proudly.

Mrs Adams marches hurriedly to see what the commotion is.

Who broke the door down”, she proclaims, looking straight at Rock.

Rock smirks, “what door,” he replies.

Angrily Mrs Adams shouts, “TELL ME WHO BROKE THE DOOR!”

Sticking up for Rock, Samuel explains, “The wind must have blown it down.”

“Yeah,” Rock replies, surprised by Samuel’s action. “You banged it pretty hard!”

“Who would bash a door down for no reason,” Georgia exclaims.

With nothing to say Mrs Adams storms out the room.

7.38am

Everyone starts to get comfortable.

Samuel bounces his ball against the table, leaning back on his chair.

Georgia texts intensively, seeming utterly grossed at the fact that she’s stuck in a room with these people.

Sang lies quietly with his head on the desk, beginning to doze off. 

Amber sits with her legs folded on her chair drawing an extraordinarily detailed picture of a dying rose.

Rock pulls out a box of cigarettes and a lighter and starts smoking, while listening to loud Rap music through his big red headphones. 

10.53pm

Mrs Adams walks back into the classroom to find them all fast asleep.“GET UP if you want to go to the toilet” she yells.

They all jump up quickly rushing out the door jolting past each other.

Georgia and Amber walk into the toilet together.Georgia answers her ringing phone.

“Hey Ash, you will never believe who's in detention.”

Amber stands in the cubical listening quietly.

“Emo Amber” she says laughing. "She's probably in here for cutting other peoples wrists."

Amber storms out the toilet. “YOU SKANKY, HOEBAG, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOSSIPING ABOUT PEOPLE, WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THEM OR WHAT THEY'RE GOING THROUGH."  

Shocked at Amber’s reaction, Georgia roars “YOU WALK AROUND LIKE YOU ARE THE ONLY ON IN THE WORLD WITH EFFIN PROBLEMS.”

 “WELL AT LEAST IM NOT A BITCH WHO PUTS OTHERS DOWN BECAUSE SHE HAS LOW SELF-ESTEEM."

Outraged, Georgia pushes, “WELL AT LEAST I DON'T TRY AND KILL MYSELF BECAUSE OF IT”

They stare at one another in dead silence. Tears start dripping down Amber’s face.

“YOU SELF CENTERED WHORE” she yells.

Amber looks startlingly at Georgia, whose cheeks also had black streams running down.

Soundlessly they walk out the bathroom.

Rock pushes past Sang.

“Faggot”, he exclaims laughing loudly.

Samuel strolling behind them chuckles and then walks to Sang saying “don’t listen to that douche bag”.

Sang ignores him, mumbling under his breath. 

Rock pulls out a joint in the bathroom and starts so smoke. Sang stares at him.

"Oi want joint",

"errr no thanks" Sang replies.

"I said try one faggot, dont be a pussy"

"leave him alone stoner" Samuel intrudes.

"You try one then big guy"

"No thanks" Samuel says cautiously

"Bet you've never tried weed before"

"Nah, I have" Samuel declares, acting tough.

12pm

The boys wander into the room looking completely dazed, Sang almost falling over. They all sit back in their seats trying to look as normal as possible.

“You have 30 minutes for Lunch” Mrs Adams exclaims walking past the classroom pompously.

Each one pulls out lunchbox except for Rock and Sang.

“Where’s your lunch turd” Rock says scornfully.

Sang looks down at the table, “I don’t have any” he replies."

“Why not?” Rock smirks, “Dads sushi shops close down?”

The others giggle.

“No” Sang answers, “His company did.”

Realising what he said Rock turns away and starts beat boxing again. The others reduced to the awkward silence around them.

12.25pm

"F this" Rock says and walks out the classroom.

Samuel follows him, wobbling out the door.

"Have my lunch bro" Samuel offers, "I had the meanest breakfast before i came."

Rock ignores him and continues shooting hoops. Samuel puts the lunch on the ground and walks back to the classroom.

Rock picks up the lunch and eats the bread. He walks back to classroom.

Walking past Sang, Rock puts the rest of the lunch on his table and walks back to his seat.

1.45pm

Sang lay dead asleep on his desk, the other two boys shooting hoops outside. The girls now both at the back of the class on separate seats.

"Why do you hurt yourself?" Georgia looks at Amber "Do you really feel that unloved?"

"YES!" Amber replies.

"Why?"

"No one at school care about me and no one at home cares, so why should I."

"At least you have parents."

Amber looks up shocked by Georgia's statement. "What do you mean?"

"My mom is dead and my dad is in jail."

Amber in complete astonishment gets up and hugs Georgia. "I'm sorry. I never knew."

"I know. That's why you could judge me so easily."

2.35pm

"Sang wake up."

"You dick head, you shouldn't have pressured him into smoking that weed."

"You gave him weed? wtf!"

"Oh my gosh, you killed him"

"Agh Agh" Sang slowly opens his eyes.

"Gross" Georgia yells.

Sang wipes his mouth. Gooey, watery chunks fill his desk.

"What is going on" Sang cries.

Samuel takes Sang to the bathroom. The others quickly clean up the desk.

Samuel and Sang walk back into the classroom. 

"Hey guys" Sang mumbles confidently "I really like getting to know you all, you're not who I thought you were."

"Your still high." Rock exclaims.

The others laugh.

"Let him write our essays."

3pm

"Dear Mrs Adams

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was that we did wrong. What we did was wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an entire essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us. But what we found out is that we judged each other on what we thought we knew, when really we knew nothing at all. So my question to you is do you want to judge us or do you want to know us?

Sincerely

the Asian, the Skux, the Emo, the Slut and the Gangster"

Draft 4

KNOW ME OR JUDGE ME? or YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING

“…And these children
that you spit on
as they try to change their worlds
are immune to your consultations.
They’re quite aware
of what they’re going through."
                       
                                DAVID BOWIE

Saturday, March 24th, 2012. Howick High School. Howick, Auckland, 2016.

3.00pm

"Dear Mrs Adams

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was that we did wrong. What we did was wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an entire essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us...in the simplest of terms and the most convenient definitions. You see us as the Asian, the Skux, the Emo, the Slut and the Gangster. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at seven o'clock this morning. We judged."

6.59am

A Collage of brick buildings, enclosed by a tall metal fence, stands destitute in the middle of Howick road. A clock ticks in a deserted classroom, the sound amplified by the stark silence surrounding it.

 A chic, white Mercedes Benz pulls up in front of the metal gates and a voluptuous, blonde headed girl reluctantly steps out the car.

Behind her a lanky Asian boy with glasses walks hurriedly past her, his head down with books in his hands.

A hooter sounds and a black, blue rimmed BMW parks behind the Mercedes. A tall, muscular boy hops out the driver’s side of the car, throwing a rugby ball in the air, walking through the gates as if he didn't have a care in the world.

A door slams and a dark haired girl, her fringe covering her eyes, stomps angrily past the cars and through the gate.

All four stop and turn as a shabby blue vehicle comes bouncing around the corner, Lil Wayne blasting through the speakers of the car. A black boy with his pants hanging low and a cigarette in his hand, jumps out yelling vulgar words as he limps heavily, bumping past them.

7.06am

They walk into the classroom. A plump middle aged lady stands in front with her hands on her hips, glaring at each one as they walked to their seats and sit down.

“Georgia Mayor?” she calls out, the blonde looks at her and smiles half-heartedly and then continues texting.

“Sang Yung?” the lanky Asian looks up from the front row, raises his hand and quickly pulls it down.

“Samuel Miako?” the muscular boy raises his hand. “Yo”, he replies.

“Amber Rutherford?”  The dark haired girl timidly raises her hand from the back corner of the classroom, not looking up at all.

“And why am I not surprised…Roland Wright”, the teacher says, smirking.

 Roland stands up on the back table and bows, yelling “the name’s Rock”. He jumps down laughing.

“Be quite Mr Wright”, the teacher says agitatedly. '

Rock grins at the teacher giving her the finger.In utter shock the teacher exclaims “Do you want another detention Mr?”

“Yeah buddy,” he replies smugly.

 Getting irritated she replies “Well you got one!”

“HEK YEAH,” Rock rebels while banging the desk angrily.

He puts his head back and lifts his legs on the chair in front of him and closes his eyes. The teacher walks over to where he is sitting and swiftly pulls the chair out from under his feet.

 "There's no sleeping in detention," she sneers.

Rock jumps up breathing heavily, his eyes stare into hers with fury, their foreheads touching lightly. Gaining control of himself he brushes past her picks up the chair and resumes to his former position.
Relieved, the teacher walks back to the front of the room.

"It is 7.06am” she exclaims “You have eight hours to write me an essay telling me who you punks think you are.”

Sang looks up listening intently, the rest of them doing their own thing.

“There’s no talking allowed and no moving. In fact, don't even think about leaving this classroom.” And she walks out, slamming the door behind her.

7.16am

Breaking the silence Rock starts beat-boxing and making beats on the desk with his pen. The others ignore him, but Samuel annoyed at the situation, turns around saying, “shut it pothead, if I miss another gym session because of you I will beat you up.”

Enthused by the reaction Rock looks up, smiles smugly and responds, “at least I’ll save everyone from yet another lot of pictures of you in the mirror posing like a pussy.”

Georgia giggles slyly.

“F you,” Samuel says, getting up ready to fight.

“Sit down you two,” Georgia intervenes. Samuel sits down slowly shaking his head, looking straight at Rock. Rock laughs intently, and then walks to the door.

“We’re not allowed to open the door!,” Sang mumbles warily. Ignoring him, Rock bashes the door down and rushes back to his seat proudly.

Mrs Adams marches hurriedly to see what the commotion is.

Who broke the door down”, she proclaims, looking straight at Rock.

Rock smirks, “what door,” he replies.

Angrily Mrs Adams shouts, “TELL ME WHO BROKE THE DOOR!”

Sticking up for Rock, Samuel explains, “The wind must have blown it down.”

“Yeah,” Rock replies, surprised by Samuel’s action. “You banged it pretty hard!”

“Who would bash a door down for no reason,” Georgia exclaims.

With nothing to say Mrs Adams storms out the room.

7.38am

Everyone starts to get comfortable.

Samuel bounces his ball against the table, leaning back on his chair.

Georgia texts intensively, seeming utterly grossed at the fact that she’s stuck in a room with these people.

Sang lies quietly with his head on the desk, beginning to doze off.

Amber sits with her legs folded on her chair drawing an extraordinarily detailed picture of a dying rose.

Rock pulls out a box of cigarettes and a lighter and starts smoking, while listening to loud Rap music through his big red headphones. 

10.53pm

Mrs Adams walks back into the classroom to find them all fast asleep.“GET UP if you want to go to the toilet” she yells.

They all jump up quickly rushing out the door, jolting past each other.

Georgia and Amber walk into the toilet together.Georgia answers her ringing phone.
“Hey Ash, you will never believe who's in detention.”

Amber stands in the cubical listening quietly.

“Emo Amber” she says laughing. "She's probably in here for cutting other peoples wrists."

Amber storms out the toilet. “YOU SKANKY, HOEBAG! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOSSIPING ABOUT PEOPLE, WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THEM."  

Shocked at Amber’s reaction, Georgia roars “YOU WALK AROUND LIKE YOU ARE THE ONLY ON IN THE WORLD WITH PROBLEMS.”

 “WELL AT LEAST I'M NOT A BITCH WHO PUTS OTHERS DOWN BECAUSE SHE HAS LOW SELF-ESTEEM."

Outraged, Georgia pushes Amber, “WELL AT LEAST I DON'T TRY AND KILL MYSELF BECAUSE OF IT”

They stare at one another in dead silence. Tears start dripping down Amber’s face.

“YOU SELF CENTERED WHORE” she yells.

Amber looks startlingly at Georgia, whose cheeks also had black streams running down.

Soundlessly they walk out the bathroom.

Rock pushes past Sang.

“Faggot”, he exclaims laughing loudly.

Samuel strolling behind them chuckles and then walks to Sang saying “don’t listen to that douche bag”.

Sang ignores him, mumbling under his breath. 

Rock pulls out a joint in the bathroom and starts so smoke. Sang stares at him.

"Oi want a joint",

"errr no thanks" Sang replies.

"I said try one faggot, don't be a pussy"

"leave him alone stoner" Samuel intrudes.

"You try one then tough guy"

"No thanks" Samuel says cautiously

"Bet you've never tried weed before"

"Nah, I have!" Samuel declares, acting tough.

12pm

The boys wander into the room looking completely dazed, Sang almost falling over. They all sit back in their seats trying to look as normal as possible.

“You have 30 minutes for Lunch” Mrs Adams exclaims walking past the classroom pompously.

Each one pulls out a lunchbox except for Rock and Sang.

“Where’s your lunch turd” Rock says scornfully.

Sang looks down at the table, “I don’t have any” he replies."

“Why not?” Rock smirks, “Dad's sushi shop close down?”

The others giggle.

“No” Sang answers, “His company did.”

Realising what he had said Rock turns away and starts beat boxing again to hide his humiliation. The others sit in complete awkwardness.

12.25pm
"F this" Rock says and walks out the classroom.

Samuel follows him, wobbling out the door.

"Have my lunch bro" Samuel offers, "I had the meanest breakfast before i came."

Rock ignores him, holding onto his pride and continues shooting hoops. Samuel puts the lunch on the ground and walks back to the classroom.

Rock picks up the lunch and eats the bread. He walks back to classroom.

Walking past Sang, Rock puts the rest of the lunch on his table and walks back to his seat.


1.45pm
Sang is lying dead asleep on his desk, the other two boys shooting hoops outside. The girls now both at the back of the class on separate seats.

"Why do you hurt yourself?" Georgia looks at Amber "Do you really feel that unloved?"

"YES!" Amber replies.

"Why?"

"No one at school cares about me and no one at home cares, so why should I."

"At least you have parents" Georgia exclaims.

Amber looks up shocked by Georgia's statement. "What do you mean?"

"My mom is dead and my dad is in jail."

Amber in complete astonishment walks to Georgia. "I'm sorry. I never knew."

"I know" Amber replies, "I'm sorry your parents are divorced."

2.35pm
"Sang wake up."

"You dick head, you shouldn't have pressured him into smoking that weed."

"You gave him weed? wtf!"

"Oh my gosh, you killed him"

"Agh Agh" Sang slowly opens his eyes.

"GROSS" Georgia yells.

Sang wipes his mouth. Gooey, watery chunks splatter all over the desk.

"What is going on" Sang cries.

Samuel takes Sang to the bathroom. The others quickly clean up the desk.


Samuel and Sang walk back into the classroom.

"Hey guys" Sang mumbles confidently "I'm really glad I met you all, you're not as bad as I thought."

"Your still high." Rock exclaims, chuckling.

The others laugh.

"Let him write our essays" Samuel mocks.


3pm
"Dear Mrs Adams

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was that we did wrong. What we did was wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an entire essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us. But what we found out is that we judged each other on what we thought we knew, when really we knew nothing at all. So my question to you is do you want on who you've judged or do you want to know us?

Sincerely

the Asian, the Skux, the Emo, the Slut and the Gangster"

......the end....

let me know what you think!